Happy Easter!
We are off to a wonderful party with family, today. I have spent the early morning hours thinking of my Mom and Dad. And wishing they were here. But, also being very grateful for the time that we shared. I am so blessed. My child is growing up so fast. It is a joy to watch the progression from infant to toddler, to a tiny adult "wanna be." LOL And my hubby and I are loving every minute of the temper tantrums, knowing full well, how quick things change.
So, for today, we celebrate Christ. With family, food and fun. It doesn't get any better that that!
Remember that song by Bananarama in the 80's? Some of the words in the song stick in my head today.
"It's a cruel, cruel summer........ leaving me here all alone....." That is how I am feeling. It was a long, cruel summer, and at the end of it, I was left here, with out my dear Mom.
She passed away on July 28th. She struggled so hard with the Cancer. She claimed that she was never in physical pain, but I know that the mental pain must have been horrible. She struggled with the thought of leaving this life, and if God would allow her into his Heavenly kingdom. She struggled with knowing that it was most likely, that her children would split apart from each other. Never having "really" gotten along very well even while she was alive. And she worried about her beloved, Doug. Where would he go, what would he do.
I cannot fathom her anguish. I could only sit with her and try to get her mind on other things. Cheerful things. Even though my heart was breaking, knowing that she would be leaving me soon. No more e-mails, no more Sunday morning phone calls, no more teasing in the winter about how wonderful the weather is in Florida while I am freezing in Michigan, no more "I love you Sweetheart." And no more hugs.
So many wonderful times with Mom. I can't even begin to mention them all. She was my Rock and my best friend. It is hard to imagine my life now, without her. Sometimes I want to just run away and hide. SO much to try to handle with family that can't agree, and in the mean time, trying to grieve. Trying to understand why she is gone. Trying to make sense of it all.
Other times I find myself chatting with her out loud. And giggling about things we did together, and things she told, only me. She shared many things with me, her only daughter. That I can never tell anyone. Sad things, happy things. Just things that she wanted me to know, but no one else. Besides, no one would believe me. I am just the "little sister." Even though I am 46. lol
So it was a cruel summer. Now it is time for me to pick up the pieces of my own life and family, and see if I can make it wonderful again.
I have 4 pendants featured in the Editors Top picks! Yaah! Be sure to pick up a copy! And support your individual Bead Artists!
The title sums up life for me right now. My Mom's cancer is back. Worse that before. She is back home and back doing Chemotherapy. She is frail and sleeps a lot. She can't eat solid foods and lives on a nutritional drink called Boost. This is due to the Cancer starting in her salivary glands. All of which had to be removed. She needs almost constant care now. She is 80. My brothers and I are doing the best we can to take turns being with her. She is my best friend and I promised her long ago, that she would never be in a nursing home. And I intent to keep my promise.
Life is quite a challenge for me and my family right now. But, within this challenge, it has been the most wonderful time of my life as well. I am truly understanding how Blessed I really am. I have been able to be with my Mom and just sit and chat. We giggle at silly things. Or just sit together in a comfortable silence.
We have really become closer than ever. I didn't know that was even possible.
She is such an amazing woman. She has made it through so many difficult times in her life. And come back stronger than ever.
One example was losing her husband to an automobile accident when she was only 30 years old. At that time she had 6 children ranging in age from 6 months to 12 years old. I cannot imagine what she went through then. And yet, she was able to pick up the pieces and move forward.
This strength is a gift from God. A gift that I pray for every day.
After this and many other tragedies, she remains strong of will. No one will ever know the woman I call my Mom, the way I do.
So even though this may be the worst of times for us it is also the best of times for us.
And I will cherish these moments for the rest of my life.
Wow! 2008
If you had told me, 10 years ago, that I would have 3 websites and co-own a forum in 2008, I would have laughed in your face. Yet here I am! And having a blast. The new BisqueBeadSupply Site is going great with little advertising. And MarlasMud is doing very well. Several new wholesale accounts in the last couple of months. Whew! I really need an assistant! How old does my daughter have to be before I hire her??? LOL
The CeramicArtsForum has over 100 members so far. And growing every day. And of course there is FiredClayArtists. Which has a birthday coming up this April. It's FIRST birthday. I have quite a celebration planned! More Artists are joining and the group advertising is really starting to pay off. I think 2008 is gonna be a really muddy year! Go Mud!
My Mom is doing well. She is in Florida for a few months now. And loving the warmth! She is still not 100%. But I keep praying. We had an absolutely wonderful Christmas Holiday and look forward to Spring and seeing her again.
Well, back to work!
