Friday, May 11, 2007

Reality check

My Mom has Cancer. Angeosarcoma. She has had 2 tumors removed. She has been through 40 radiation treatments. She has lost weight. She wasn't a big person to begin with. She is weak and tired. The tumors were on both sides of her neck. They removed all the lymphnodes on both sides as well. So she no longer is able to produce saliva in her mouth. She has to spray her mouth frequently to keep it wet. She coughs a lot. Her face is puffy and bruised looking. Yet she can giggle and smile and share and advise me. She is and has always been my rock. She will be 80 this year and I cherish every moment I have with her. From the day I decided to try to make a living making pottery and jewelry, she has been there, cheering me on. And now I am trying to be there for her. And cheer her on, in the fight against this cancer that has invaded her body. I don't want to think of losing her, but, it is a reality. For now, though, I am going to be the strong daughter that she has made, and giggle with her, share stories with her and just be there for her, like she has always been for me. This is the least I can do. I wish I could do more.
My reality check is that I can't fix everything in my life. A lot of things are beyond my control. And that I need to take life one minute at a time.

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